Once Again Read online

  Once Again

  by

  J. Lea

  J. Lea

  Once Again (Book 2 in Again series)

  Translator: Tanja Kunej

  Editor: TCB Editing Services

  Cover: Wonderland Graphic Design © Sarah Shuttle, Wonderland Graphic Design

  Copyright @2015 J. Lea

  CIP - Kataložni zapis o publikaciji

  Narodna in univerzitetna knjižnica, Ljubljana

  821.163.6-32(0.034.2)

  J. Lea

  Once again [Elektronski vir] / J. Lea. - El. knjiga. - Ljubljana : author, 2015. - (Again series ; book 2)

  ISBN 978-961-93705-5-1 (mobi)

  278298880

  Once Again is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and events are the product of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to events, locations, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental, except the countries where circuits are located, these are all real!

  Copyright @2015 J. Lea

  All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the copyright owner.

  The following story contains mature themes, strong language, and sexual situations. It is intended for adult readers only!

  Part two

  Prologue

  About three years ago, my most gruesome nightmare came to life, when the man I loved most in the world, passed away. We were inseparable; we had great friends and a loving family… until he died in a motorcycle accident. My world fell to pieces; I had no idea how I was going to live on without him by my side. I cried for hours on end, and cursed the whole world for taking the love of my life away from me. Seconds dragged on like minutes, minutes seemed to pass by like hours, and hours stretched into days. I didn’t live. I merely existed. There was a stinging emptiness in my chest where my heart used to be, and I thought no one would ever fill it again. Slowly, piece-by-piece, I put my life back together, and tried living again as best as I could. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about him, about Josh. But, suddenly and totally unexpectedly, none other than Jake Burns, the famous motorcyclist, walked into my life, and turned it upside down. I opened my heart again—but it wasn’t easy. I wasn’t willing to let someone new back in again. But his beautiful eyes, his confidence, and persistence have worn me down. I finally let myself love again. There was no more emptiness in my heart, and it was filled to the brink with love. Until this moment…

  Chapter One

  Ella

  My legs have turned to jelly. My hands are shaking, as my gaze shoots from Jake to Liz, and the little boy standing in front of me. My mouth hangs wide open. I’m trying to form words, but not a sound comes out of my mouth. I swallow deeply, to try and move the big knot that has formed in my throat, but it doesn’t help.

  “Jake, what’s going on?” I face him. I feel like thousands and thousands of needles are stabbing my heart. “You have a s-son?” I stutter incredulously, and glance at the boy, who’s clutching the back of his mother’s skirt. I feel the first teardrop slide down my cheek. Closing my eyes, I look down, and shake my head. I can feel my heart breaking again.

  “Ella, babe, it’s not like that,” Jake approaches me, and takes my hand into his big ones. I jerk it out of his hold.

  “Don’t call me babe!” I yell, my voice shaky and thick with tears, and I wince when I see the little boy flinch. “It appears you have no right to call me that,” I quietly add.

  “Please, just let me explain!”

  “Just your ex, right?” I exclaim angrily, raising my arms in the air, and letting them fall helplessly back down to my side. “You have a wife and a son, and you didn’t even have the balls to tell me. You’re such a coward! And, silly naïve girl that I am, I fell for your stories. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

  “She is not my wife!” he cries out.

  Tears streaming down my face, I run to our bedroom, and slam the door after me. His bedroom. It’s his bedroom, I tell myself. Nothing here belongs to me. I hear faint voices outside; Liz and Jake are fighting. Where did I go wrong? I ask myself. I quickly pull on my clothes, as I’m still only draped in a sheet. Taking a deep breath, I sit down on the bed, clutching a pillow to my chest. Tears keep running down my cheeks, one after another, and they try to lessen the pain in my heart. But they don’t succeed, as I only feel more pain with each new tear that stains my face. I don’t even know what’s real and what isn’t anymore. Resting my head on the pillow so it muffles my sobs, I let tears run down freely; I don’t want Jake to hear how much he hurt me. I’m so angry—but even more so, I’m deeply disappointed with myself for believing his lies. What happens now?

  Jake

  “Why are you here?” I demand from Liz, after Ella storms into our bedroom. “What do you want? Haven’t I told you I never wanted to see you again?” I’m simmering with anger. If her son wasn’t standing next to her, I’d probably explode with fury.

  “Can we come in?” Liz asks quietly, her head down.

  “Why would I let you do that?”

  “Please, Jake. I need to speak with you.”

  “How did you even get to the house?” I’m certain Ella and I always lock the gate behind us.

  “The gate was open,” she mumbles.

  I grind my teeth. “Fine!” I angrily run my hand through my hair, and step to the side to let them in. I’m still only in a towel around my middle, so I find some sweats in a closet, and quickly put them on. “Make it quick,” I say wearily, when I return to the hallway. I’m really not interested in anything Liz has to say, not when Ella is crying in our bedroom. This is all my fault. I need to apologize to Ella, and finally tell her the truth. She deserves to know everything. I sincerely hope she’ll be willing to listen to me after everything that has happened here. I can no longer put off telling her about my past.

  “I’m sorry, Jake,” Liz says, her voice thick with remorse, and looks over at her son. “Here you go, Timmy.” She hands him a bag with toys. “Now, sit there and play quietly. I won’t be long.” Timmy sits on the sofa in the living room, while I show Liz to the kitchen.

  “Why does he think he’s my son? What lies have you been feeding him? And what is it you want to tell me? Be quick about it. I don’t have time for your games!” Now that we are finally alone, I can finally raise my voice.

  “It’s so nice to see you again.” The corners of Liz’s mouth turn up slightly as she reaches her hand out to touch my face. I jerk back instantly. “I missed you,” she sighs. What is wrong with her? What is she trying to achieve? She was the one who cheated on me.

  “Fuck, Liz. Don’t beat around the bush. What do you want? Why are you here? And why does that little boy think I’m his father?” There’s a flash of regret in her eyes, but it doesn’t have any effect on me. She is the one that fucked up everything.

  “I know you hate me for everything I’ve done to you. I’m sorry. If I could turn back time, I would. But I don’t regret having Tim. He means the world to me. You leaving me, and Tim coming into my life has finally opened my eyes. I’m a better person now. I never told my son about Brian; I said you were his father. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have told him that.”

  “Brian? Seriously?! He was the one you cheated on me with?! Brian knocked you up?” Liz nods. I shake my head incredulously. “Are you insane? You can’t go telling your son lies about important things like that. You need to come clean, and tell him the truth.” I don’t know what her problem is. And the poor child, what must he be thinking? That his father didn’t love him enough to stick around?

  “I told you I’m sorry already.”<
br />
  “That’s not nearly enough.”

  “I know…” She averts her gaze in shame. “It was easier to tell him you were his father, the famous motorcyclist, the one everybody loves and admires. I didn’t want him to know what kind of an abusive, lying no-good junkie his father was. I was ashamed. I’m sorry.”

  “So? Is that it? You wanted to apologize? Okay, then.” I raise my arms. “I accept your goddamned apology. Now get the fuck out. And tell your boy the truth!” Liz jumps at my harsh words, but I don’t give a shit. No one has ever caused me as much pain and suffering as she has. Putting my hand against her back, I try to lead her to the front door.

  “Wait!” she stops. “That’s not why I came.” She fixes her skirt, and looks me straight in the eyes. “I need your help.” There’s fear in her voice. “I don’t know who else to turn to,” she sobs, a tear rolling down her face.

  What has she gotten herself into now? I take a deep breath, and run my hand through my hair. “What is it, now?”

  “After you left me, Timmy and I ran off. Brian’s buddies figured out he was Timmy’s father, and they told him. I was afraid of what he’s going to do to us, so I took off. He found us a few days ago, and dragged us back with him.”

  I still can’t wrap my head around the fact she cheated on me with Brian. That he was the one who knocked her up. Brian is some gangbanger that I crossed paths with a few times in the past, but I don’t really know him very well.

  “He wants me to come back to him, but I can’t do that. I’m not in love with him. I’m so afraid of him. I really don’t know what to do, Jake. He said he’s giving us a month, and then he’s taking things in his own hands. I don’t know exactly what that means, but, for sure, it’s nothing good.”

  I angrily pull at my hair and turn away from her. Why did she have to come to me with her problems? Like I haven’t got enough of my own. “You should’ve thought about this when you spread your legs for him.” She recoils at my harsh words. I’m fully aware I’m acting like a jackass, but the wounds she inflicted on me are still there.

  “Please, Jake.”

  I take a deep breath. “Wait here. I’ll be right back,” I tell her, and go to Ella. First, I have to clear things up with her before I do anything else.

  Ella

  I hear a light knock on the door, and then the door handle moves. I turn away as Jake enters the bedroom.

  “Babe…” Jake moves closer, kneels before me, and reaches out his hand to move my hair out of my face, but I push it away.

  “Leave me alone,” I tell him.

  “Babe, please, you have to let me explain.” My sad eyes meet his, and I brush the tears away.

  “Why? Why didn’t you tell me?” I demand, disappointedly, and sniff. I feel betrayed. He didn’t trust me enough to tell me he used to be married, and that he has a son with her. How can someone keep his or her son a secret? Did he think he could hide him from me forever?

  “I don’t really know. I guess I was afraid. I didn’t know how you’d react, and I wasn’t willing to lose you. I love you.” He puts his hand on my thigh, and looks up at me.

  “Bullshit! If you loved me, you would’ve trusted me. But you don’t, do you? And I can’t live with someone who doesn’t trust me.” I pause for a few seconds. “I told you everything, absolutely everything. I wouldn’t have judged you. I can’t believe I was so naïve.”

  “I’m really sorry I messed up so badly. I just didn’t want to hurt you.”

  I jump up from the bed. “Hurt me?” I snort. “You didn’t just hurt me. You ripped my heart out, threw it on the ground, and did a Mexican hat dance on top of it. I would never judge you; I’m not like that. All you had to do was trust me.” My heart is hurting, and I can barely stand on my feet, so I move to the closet to lean on it for support.

  “He’s not my son,” Jake says, his head down. I look at him, a million questions in my eyes. He stands in front of me, downcast and somber.

  “What?!” I exclaim in shock, not really sure if I heard him correctly.

  “Timmy is not mine. She lied.” There is a brief pause. “I can’t have children.”

  “But…”

  “When Liz told me she was pregnant, I knew right away he wasn’t mine. I still had this little sliver of hope, but the paternity test revealed I wasn’t the father. She cheated on me, and then tried to cover it.” My mouth is wide open, and I just stare at him, speechless. I’m still angry with him for not trusting me, but on the other hand, I’m overwhelmed with sadness at his confession. He can’t have children. I take a step forward, and put a hand on his shoulder.

  “I’m so sorry,” I say, compassionately. Even though my anger is obvious, I can’t remain indifferent about what he just said. Jake kneels on the floor, and raises his gaze to mine. There is not a trace of arrogance in his eyes, only profound sadness.

  “I wanted to tell you each and every day. Every morning, I told myself that this would be the day I would tell you all my secrets, but the words simply wouldn’t come out of my mouth. I was so afraid you’d be mad at the news of I was married before, and that you’d leave me. I couldn’t let you walk out of my life. I won’t let you walk out on me. Please, you have to believe me.” This is the first time I‘ve ever seen him cry, and my chest squeezes.

  “Can you tell me now? I’m here, and I’m listening.” I drop to the ground in front of Jake, and look him straight in his eyes. It takes me by surprise when he suddenly grabs the back of my neck, and crushes his mouth against mine. The tears streaming down our faces mix, and we can taste their saltiness on each other’s lips. I lose myself in his passionate kiss, momentarily pushing the seriousness of the situation aside. But it doesn’t take long until I’m dragged back to reality, and I push him away. “I need you to tell me!” I demand. I have to get to the bottom of the truth.

  “Fuck, I love you so much. You mean the world to me.” Jake’s eyes are piercing through me. He pulls me to him, and takes me to bed. “When I was fifteen, I got sick with the mumps. Nothing special, right? Well, something went wrong during treatment, and I was left infertile.” Tears start pooling in the corner of my eyes again. “I didn’t care when the doctors told me the news. Sports were everything I lived for. I just wanted to return to the track as soon as possible, and I did. At sixteen, I was becoming more and more prominent; I was stringing up victories, and dominating the sport. At that age, I also discovered another passion—girls. I partied, drank, smoked, and slept with a different girl practically every day.” I close my eyes; it’s difficult to listen to him talk about other women. “About two years later, I met Liz. She hung out with a crowd that was much worse than my friends. I started doing drugs, getting into fights; I drove wasted, and destroyed everything in my path. I was convinced I was allowed to do anything, considering I earned my own money, and I had a lot of it to burn. I was the indestructible Jake Burns.” He pauses. “When I think back to the things I did, I feel ashamed as hell. I never wanted to become that person, and I don’t know how I managed to turn out like my worst fears.” Jake is bent down, hands on his head, with his elbows resting on his knees. I stroke his back gently. “Liz and I were inseparable. Wherever she went, I went, and vice versa. One day, we happened to find ourselves in Vegas at some party, just the two of us. We were stoned and wasted, barely able to stand on our feet. When we came across a wedding chapel, we got hitched. Just like that, for fun.” Jake grinds his teeth, and looks at me. “I’m sorry if what I’m telling you is hurting you, but this time I want everything out in the open. Everything. I want you to know every possible thing about me, even the dirty little secrets.” I nod. I already know all about his drunk escapades and bar fights from the Internet, when I researched him. “Well, when we sobered up the next day, we still found the whole thing funny, and because we were in love—if that is what you want to call those sick and misguided feelings—we stayed married. Nobody knew we got hitched; it was our little secret. All we did was have sex everywhere we went, shoot
stuff up our noses, and arms, every single day. I started doing really bad at races. I still trained hard, but all that partying and destroying myself started to show in my results. Then, one day, Liz tells me she’s pregnant. I thought I was going to go insane. She said the baby was mine, but I knew she was lying out of her ass. I knew I was sterile. So, I accused her of lying and cheating on me. I demanded she told me who she’d been sleeping with.” Jake snorts and shakes his head incredulously. “And I, the idiot, was willing to forgive her, if she only told me the truth, but she stubbornly insisted I was the father. So, I stuck around with her until she gave birth. There was still that stupid little sliver of hope in my heart that maybe, just maybe, the child was mine. If the paternity test confirmed it, I would get on my knees, and beg for her forgiveness for falsely accusing her of cheating, but the test confirmed I wasn’t the father. I went apeshit, I was so furious I could’ve hit her. But, of course, I didn’t. She cried and begged, apologized and groveled, but I couldn’t care less. I filed for a divorce the same day, and drove off, furious as hell. I drove around aimlessly, a bottle of whiskey in my hand. I drank and drove. I guess I must have dozed off for a second at some point because everything happened so fast. I drove onto the opposite lane of the road, and crashed into an oncoming car. I was unconscious for two days. When I finally came to, they told me what happened, and that’s when it hit me. Luckily, the driver of the other car got away without any injuries, but I could’ve killed him. What if I killed him? I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if that happened. This sobered me up so much that I checked myself into a rehab right after I was released from the hospital. My parents stood by my side through the whole ordeal. They never gave up on me, and that helped me get back on my feet. I told them everything: about getting married, about Liz lying to me about being the father of her baby. They were horrified, but they still didn’t judge me. I got myself straightened up. I trained hard, and soon returned to who I was before Liz. I started winning at races again, and got better than ever before. I’m so glad the press never dug up the fact I was married; they would blow the story out of proportions and probably even claim the baby is mine. Thankfully, the whole thing remained confidential.”