Once Again Read online

  I stare at Jake wordlessly. I have no idea what to say. I feel his pain, but the fact that he didn’t share his past with me before is still eating at my consciousness.

  Jake wraps his arms around my shoulders, and squeezes me to his side, burying his head in my shoulder, and holding me close. I reach around him, and return the hug.

  “I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “I didn’t want to tell you I was sterile, I wanted to be perfect in your eyes, not some freak who could never give you children. I hope you can forgive me someday. I truly am sorry. I understand if you don’t love me anymore because of all this, I know I should’ve been honest with you from the start.”

  “Jake,” I release my hold on him, so I can lean back and look him in the eyes. “It hurts. It hurts really bad that you couldn’t trust me.”

  Jake touches his forehead to mine, and whispers how sorry he is.

  Placing my hands on his cheeks, I tell him, “But I do understand why you kept your condition from me. I love you with all your faults. You will never be a freak to me. You’re the best thing that happened to me in the last two years. We all have our faults. We’ll get through this.”

  Jake’s eyes sparkle through the mist of tears. “So does this mean you forgive me?” His voice is full of hope.

  I smile. “I forgive you.” Before I can say anything else, he kisses me deeply. He pours all his emotions into this kiss. Relief washes over me; I’m happy because I finally know everything about him. Breaking the kiss, I tell him, “But don’t ever hide something like that from me again. From now on, I want you to be honest with me. Next time, I won’t be so forgiving.”

  “There won’t be a next time. I promise.” He gives me another kiss, tender and loving, and then his gaze drops to the bed. “Babe, I won’t be able to give you children, ever. Are you sure you want to make such a serious decision, and stay with me?”

  “We’ll deal with it, if and when the time comes, but I only want to be with you,” I assure him.

  Jake gives me a smile full of love and nods. “We’ll deal with it,” he repeats after me. “I love you.”

  Muffled voices outside the door startle me, and I give Jake a questioning look.

  “Is she still here?” I ask quietly. Jake nods somberly, and rests his head on my shoulder.

  “She’s in big trouble, so she came to ask me for help,” he explains. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do. I wanted to apologize to you first, and deal with her later. I still don’t know exactly what she wants from me. I don’t know if I can help her—I don’t know if I even want to help her.”

  Nodding, I get off the bed, and move to the door. Jake is still sitting on the bed, motionless, staring after me. When he realizes my intent, he runs after me, but I’m already in the kitchen.

  “What do you want from Jake? Haven’t you done enough damage already?” I demand furiously as I face Liz. Liz takes a step back, and raises both hands in defense. Jake reaches me at that moment, and grabs my elbow to calm me down. Liz glances toward Jake, and then back at me.

  “I’m sorry.” she takes another step back, alarmed by the daggers shooting from my eyes. “I’m sorry for my behavior earlier. I don’t know you, and yet I acted like a bitch. I shouldn’t have said I was his wife. I’m a different person now than I was in the past. Timmy changed me.” Her gaze softens, as her eyes fall on the boy playing in the next room. “I don’t know why I reacted that way when I saw you. I guess I was jealous.” She glances dreamily at Jake. “Not a day goes by that I don’t regret cheating on you. I was in love with you, truly. I wish things turned out differently, but I know I’m the one to blame for everything that happened between us. And I’ll be paying for it for the rest of my life.”

  “I guess you didn’t love me enough if you spread your legs for the first person you laid your eyes on,” Jake spits out, and Liz shuts her eyes. When she opens them again, they’re shiny with fresh tears.

  “I know I screwed up. My bad decisions from the past hang over my head every day. But I can’t turn back time. Now, my only mission in life is to protect my son. And I’m willing to do anything and everything for him. Jake, please, I really need your help. I know you have connections. Please, help me.” Liz comes closer to Jake, and holds his hand. Her beautiful green eyes are pleading; I can see she’s afraid. Even though I’m furious with her because of all she’s done to Jake, I suddenly feel sorry for her. Jake looks over to me, his eyes asking me what to do, and I nod. I can’t let my dislike for her put her son’s life in danger. Jake smiles, and gives me a hug.

  “You’re incredible, you know that?” he whispers in my ear, his breath caressing my neck, leaving a trail of goose bumps on my skin. I close my eyes for a moment, and when I open them again, I see Jake’s gaze on me, full of admiration and love. He gives me a kiss, and then turns to Liz.

  “Yes, I’ll help. Tell me what I can do,” he says seriously.

  “Thank you, Jake! Thank you so much!” Liz cries out, her voice full of gratitude. But Jake raises his hand to stop her.

  “I’m not doing this for you, okay? I’m doing this for Ella because she wants me to help you. She’s that nice. And for Timmy, I don’t want him to lose his mother.” Liz nods, and sits at the table.

  “I’ll leave you two to talk in peace.” I turn around to leave, but Jake’s hand on my elbow stops me.

  “You’re not running away from me, are you?”

  I smile, and shake my head. Placing my hand on his cheek, he immediately leans into it. “Go ahead and talk things over. I trust you,” I assure him, giving him a peck on the lips, and head to the other room where Timmy is playing quietly with his toys. I slowly approach him, so I won’t startle him, and join him on the couch.

  “I used to play with toy cars when I was a little girl, too,” I say softly, so he knows he doesn’t need to be afraid of me. Timmy looks up at me with his big grey and green eyes. “My favorite car was a Porsche that changed his color to purple when I put it in the fridge,” I continue with a smile on my face.

  “I have one like this, too,” Timmy speaks. “But it’s blue, and it turns black when I put it somewhere cold.” He hands me the car he’s been talking about, and I smile.

  “I like it,” I nod.

  “Why is mommy angry?” His question catches me off guard. “Did Daddy make her mad?” My lips form a straight line as I try to find the right words to respond.

  “I don’t know, sweetheart. But I’m sure everything is okay now.” I look over at Jake and Liz, sitting by the table and talking calmly enough, but I’m too far away to hear anything they’re saying.

  “When I grow up, I’ll have a car just like this one,” Timmy’s voice pulls me from my thoughts, and he points to a red and yellow Formula car. I smile. “I want to race, like Daddy, but with a Formula car. Maybe then he’ll want to play with me.” I feel a pang of heartache at the pain in his voice. He misses his dad, and thinks Jake doesn’t love him. What lies has Liz fed him? I shake my head to collect my thoughts. I take the racecar from Timmy, and examine it.

  “I think you’ll be a great racer. And I’m sure your dad loves you very much. You have to believe that, too. He must be very proud of you.” Timmy’s eyes light up, and a smile plays on his lips. Even though Brian sounds like a douchebag, I’m sure there must be at least a trace of love for Timmy somewhere deep in his heart. I’ve never met a person that doesn’t like their children; I really hope I’m right about this.

  “How old are you?” I’m interested to know.

  “Six,” he shoots. “And a half.” He excitedly shows me six fingers.

  “You’re a big boy already!” I smile at him. He looks so much like his mother. Blond hair that reaches to his ears and curls at the ends. Grey and green eyes that are an exact copy of his mother’s. Only his lips look like they came from his father’s genes. They’re full; nothing like Liz’s, which are thinner.

  “Mommy!” Timmy suddenly exclaims, and runs into Liz’s arms as she walks in the r
oom with Jake. I turn to look at them. They both look tense, but they don’t want to show it in front of Timmy.

  “Let’s go, baby,” Liz lifts Timmy, and squeezes him to her. “Thank you again for being willing to help. Let me know about Keith.” Jake nods, and walks Liz and Timmy to the front door. When he returns to the living room, he runs his hand through his hair, inhales loudly, and plops down on the sofa.

  “Is everything okay?” I ask him, as I sit down on his lap, facing him. Jake hugs me, and gives me a tender kiss.

  “Liz is screwed. The whole mess is even more serious than I thought. Timmy’s father has been trying to hunt them down ever since she gave birth, and now that he’s found them, he is full of threats. She didn’t tell him the child was his; he found out from others. He wants them back, both of them, or just Timmy, and he won’t stop until he gets what he wants. He’s threatening to take Timmy away from her, and kill her if she doesn’t come back to him. She’s terrified.” I get chills all over my body listening to him. Jake tells me all about Brian, how they met, and how dangerous he really is. “Liz knows I know a lot of people, and she asked me to put her in contact with a bodyguard. She says she only trusts me to find a reliable one.” Jake snorts. “Isn’t it ironic? That she turns for help to the last person on Earth who’s willing to help her?” Jake shakes his head incredulously. “If she didn’t have a son, I’d throw her out of my house in the blink of an eye, and let her sleep in the bed she made for herself.” I run my hand down his cheek.

  “You’re a good man, Jake.”

  “I promised to find her a good bodyguard if she left us alone. I don’t want anything to do with her anymore. I told Liz I’d send her Keith’s number. He’s one hell of a bodyguard, and knows what he’s doing. He’ll keep them safe. This is all I can do for her.”

  “I love you, Jake. I didn’t have any idea what you’ve been through. You’re so brave.”

  “I’m a coward, babe. If I had guts, I’d tell you everything at the start. I hurt so many people with my actions. I almost lost you in the process.” Jake leans his forehead against mine. I kiss him, putting all my emotions for him into the kiss—admiration, love, and courage. He returns it with equal fervor, and then he slowly strips me of my clothing, tearing off his clothes in between, until we are both laying completely naked on the sofa, where we get lost in each other.

  Chapter Two

  Jake

  Ella and I are lying in bed, our limbs tangled around each other. It’s well past two in the morning. After the confrontation with Liz, I apologized and explained everything, and thankfully, she forgave me. I was certain she was going to leave me after she found out about all the mistakes I’ve made. But she didn’t. She’s still faithfully by my side. She only left yesterday to go to work, but she cancelled her coffee date with Sophie. They had plans, but Ella promised her friend she is going to make it up to her. I’m grateful she didn’t tell Sophie about my secret that the world still doesn’t know anything about—my catastrophe of a marriage to Liz. As soon as the news does get out, the false rumors and fabrications will spread like wild fire. I’m aware that the public will find out about my secret sooner or later, but I’m confident I can handle it with Ella’s support. As long as I have Ella by my side, I can do everything. She really is special; no other girl can hold a candle to her.

  I can’t seem to fall asleep. Liz’s words still echo in my head. I don’t like her—she played me like a fool—but I can’t walk away when there’s a child involved in the mess. She signed up for nothing but trouble when she let Brian knock her up. He is capable of everything, and I don’t doubt he’s going to follow through on every threat. I look at Ella, whose head is resting on my shoulder, breathing evenly. She’s breathtakingly beautiful; every part of her body is perfect. I have to make sure no harm comes her way. I’m going to have to call Mike, and ask for a new bodyguard for her. That journalist is still out there, planning God knows what, and I want her to be safe. I need her to be safe. Keith, her former bodyguard, is going to protect Timmy and Liz for now. I’m leaving in two days, due to a ton of sponsoring obligations, and I’m not comfortable leaving Ella in the middle of a situation like this one.

  Ella

  “So? What do you think?” Sophie asks, a camera in her hand, as I’m trying on the lavender dress I’m going to be wearing as maid of honor at her wedding.

  “It’s perfect,” I tell her, a smile on my lips. Sophie and Matt decided the color scheme for the wedding will be white and lavender. I really like what I’m wearing. Sophie took my wishes into account, and the knee-length dress is simple, yet elegant. The corset bodice is embellished with thousands of tiny crystals. The skirt, on the other hand, is more playful and wilder, draped in multiple layers of soft and flowy organza material. Despite the transparency of the material, the layering makes it impossible to see anything. It is lined with a thin wire, which gives the dress that playful vibe I was going for. The shoes I will most probably pair with the dress will be silver open peep toe stilettos with a thin ankle strap.

  “It looks so good on you! Jake won’t be able to take his eyes off you,” Sophie claps her hands excitedly, and snaps a picture of me. As I’m undressing in the dressing room, I call out to Sophie.

  “Jake’s birthday is coming up, and I have no idea what to get him. I want to buy him something different, original. Do you have any suggestions?”

  Sophie pokes her head through the curtain. “Well, considering he already has everything money can buy, you could give him yourself, wearing nothing but a little red bow.” I’m standing in my underwear in front of her, and she eyes me from head to toe. “And trust me when I say this: girl, he won’t be disappointed.” She winks at me. Laughing, I push her out of the dressing room, and she joins in the laughter.

  “You’re a lousy helper.”

  “Look, you have to stand in his shoes for a minute. You know what he’s like. And I know him enough to know he’s going to love it.”

  I pull back the curtain and step out. “I know what you’re saying; it’s just that it isn’t anything special... I don’t know. Jake is special, and I want the present to be perfect. You know, I was thinking…”

  “Uh-oh, Ella’s been thinking. Alert the media!” Sophie exclaims in mock shock, and I playfully punch her in the arm.

  “Hey, don’t get cheeky with me. I’ve been known to occasionally come up with a good idea,” I play offended, but I’m laughing on the inside.

  “Okay, okay,” Sophie raises her hands in defeat. “Tell me what you had in mind.” I bite my lower lip.

  “Photos of me in lingerie.” I’ve never done anything like that, and I admit I’d be slightly uncomfortable during the photo shoot, but I want to do something special for Jake. Sophie is quiet for a long moment, and then she turns to me.

  “That’s not a bad idea!” She nods. “Who’d take those pictures? You know, if later, Jake found out it was a man, he’d be pissed.” I roll my eyes.

  “So, we won’t tell him, right?” I shrug. “A former classmate of mine from high school is a professional photographer, and he is really good. I already mentioned him my idea and he liked it.”

  “I’m sure he did,” Sophie says, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask, upset. She takes a deep breath.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make it sound so presumptuous. It’s just that guys notice you, even though you’re blind to their advances. But I’m sure Jake will love his present.”

  We exit the salon, and head across the center of the city to the car. I can’t shake the feeling that we’re being watched. Lately, I’ve had this strange feeling more and more often. But whenever I look around me, I don’t see anybody, even when I turn around and inspect my surroundings. I stop in my tracks for a few seconds. I suddenly notice a man about 150 feet behind me, who stops at the same second as I do. He turns his head toward a store window—it looks like he’s observing the merchandise, displayed in the window.
Sophie doesn’t notice anything as she keeps walking and chattering. But I remain still and eye the man. He is wearing a black T-shirt, washed out jeans, and a hat is sitting low on his head. He suddenly turns his gaze to me, and continues on his way past us to his car.

  “Ella? Why did you stop?” Sophie wrinkles her forehead as she walks back to me. I exhale deeply.

  “It’s nothing. I just thought I saw something.” My voice is shaking, and I still have this weird tingling feeling in my chest. I tell myself I’m just overreacting. Who in their right mind would attack me in daylight in a public place? I smile to myself, shaking my head, while we get into the car. Sophie drops me off at Jake’s house. Our home, I correct myself. I lock the front door behind me, drop the keys on the kitchen counter, and pour myself a glass of water. It’s so quiet here, I think to myself. I feel uncomfortable by the silence, so I put the glass in the sink, and walk to the living room, where I turn on the television to break the silence. It’s the first time I’ve been alone in Jake’s house ever since I moved in with him. Until now, we’ve spent all the time together, or I went back to my apartment if he was away, but this time we agreed I should stay here. I jump every time I hear a noise, and the barking of the neighbor’s dogs is driving me crazy.