Only A Memory Page 8

  “Bastard,” I mutter, checking to see if my nose is broken. I can feel blood oozing out of my split lip. Phoenix’s hands on my chest jerk me to a stop when I charge forward to repay the frat guy the favor. The bouncers drag him out and his group follows them.

  “Bouncers will take care of them. Just leave them alone. They’re not worth the trouble,” Phoenix says in his most reasonable voice, and I let my shoulders drop, wiping the blood with the back of my hand. The crowd that gathered around us is slowly dispersing, people returning to drinking and dancing.

  “Jackass,” I hiss, my lip pulsing. Not only did the asshole dare to mistreat a woman, he sucker-punched me and got away with it.

  “Calm down.” Phoenix grabs my shoulder, but I pull out of his touch, ignoring him.

  “You okay?” I turn to a visibly shaken Tina who’s standing behind me, hugging her arms to her chest. Even though she nods, she’s clearly far from being okay. “Why don’t you head home early tonight? Phoenix and I can take over for you.”

  Tina casts a cautious glance at Phoenix, who agrees with a nod. “Okay,” she says. “And thanks”– jerking her chin to the spot where those guys sat earlier– “for the help.”

  “Don’t worry about it. Go home and take it easy.” Turning on her heels, she heads to the employee break room on wobbly feet while Phoenix pulls me to the side.

  “You should go home and calm down, too. I’ll handle things here.”

  “No, I’m good,” I assure him, smoothing down my T-shirt.

  “Connor.” There’s a warning in his voice, followed by a stern look. “You can’t work like this.” His chin points to my chest. “Go home and clean up.” My grey T-shirt is covered in red splatters. I grit my teeth, fury still boiling in my veins, but my head is clear enough to know he’s right.

  I hang my head. “Fine, I’ll go.”

  Phoenix pats my back. “I’ll take care of everything, don’t worry.”

  I’m still pissed when I get home. The night was going so well until those assholes ruined it. Slamming the front door shut, I jog up the stairs to the bathroom and nearly collide with Everly.

  She yelps when I stop her from falling, and her eyes shift to my face. “Oh, my God, what happened?” She reaches up to caress my cheek, cautiously, like she’s afraid she’s going to hurt me even more. So much for my plan to avoid her.

  “Nothing.” I swat her hand away and walk inside the bathroom. She’s right on my heels. I open the cabinet over the sink and rummage through it, searching for a cotton pad or something I can clean my cut with, spilling half the cabinet in the sink in the process. “Fucking shit.”

  “Nothing, huh? Let me.” Even though she is small compared to me, she manages to push me aside. “Sit!” She points her finger to the toilet seat. Raising an eyebrow, I give her a look. Where has she been hiding this side of her? I like it when she’s bossy; it’s incredibly sexy and it definitely turns me on.

  “Will you tell me what happened?” She settles between my legs, her eyes on my cut. The way she smells – fresh, clean, and flowery – makes me forget about my cut and just breathe her in. I wish I could say my senses are blurry because I’m drunk, but I only had one beer. And I never drink more than one beer when I’m at work. Besides, she always smells nice, her natural scent is intoxicating.

  “Just some drunk at the bar who thought harassing my bartenders is fun. He punched me when I wasn’t looking.”

  “Does this happen often?” There’s a tinge of worry in her voice.

  I shrug like it’s nothing. “Every once in a while.”

  Everly pours some disinfectant on a cotton pad and carefully swipes it over the cut on my lip, making me hiss.

  “Shit!” It stings like she’s pouring acid on me.

  Pressing her lips together, she tries to disguise her smile. “Come on, it’s not that bad.” Her lips curl up into a smile; she’s mocking me, the little minx.

  “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” I narrow my eyes, feigning annoyance. “You love when I suffer, I can tell.”

  Her eyes twinkle with mischief. Shrugging, she presses a cotton pad to my lips again. “You’re acting like a baby. It’s just a tiny wound. Ava handles pain better than you.” Even though she is teasing me, she’s still being careful with my swollen lip. While she is focused on my mouth and nose, I keep looking at her full lips. How she bites her bottom lip as she cleans my wound, making me groan.

  “Sorry, I’m almost done.” She probably thinks I’m groaning because she’s hurting me, but that’s far from it. Her touch is turning me on. I’m barely able to keep my hands to myself.

  “Take your time.” Our lips are so close I can feel her breath when she speaks.

  “Here, all done.” She steps away from me and throws the pad in the trash bin under the sink. Reaching back, I pull my bloody shirt over my head, desperate for a cold shower. “What are you doing?” Taken by surprise, her eyes widen, fixed on my stomach. Her throat moves as she swallows hard.

  “I’m going to take a shower.”

  “Could you at least wait for me to leave?” With an exaggerated sigh and shake of her head, she turns her back to me and busies herself with putting the cabinet contents back on the shelves. I pop the button on my pants and pull the zipper down, letting them slide down my legs.

  “Oh, for crying out loud!” Everly covers her eyes, her cheeks flush. “I’m still here in case you forgot.”

  “What? I’m not naked,” I feign ignorance and grin. “Not yet, at least.” I like it when she’s flustered.

  “Agree to disagree,” she huffs.

  “I can’t take a shower dressed, can I?” Raising my brow at her, I hook my fingers into the band of my boxers. “So please hurry.” She still hasn’t left, if she plans to stick around some more, she’s going to get more than she’s bargained for. I’m not shy, far from it. “Or…” I lick my bottom lip, “…you can join me.” I wiggle my eyebrows.

  “Oh, God. Fine.” She throws her hands in the air dramatically. “I’m leaving. I’m leaving!” she says, and hurries out the door.

  “You have no idea what you’re missing!” I teasingly call after her.

  “Not interested!” she yells back, laughter in her voice.

  The moonlight is peeking through my open bedroom window, and the night breeze is playing with the curtains. With my hands crossed under my head, I lie in my bed trying to sleep, but I’m feeling strangely restless. I turn on the lamp on my bedside table and reach for my guitar. Maybe this will help me sleep. Leaning back against the headboard, I start randomly strumming. Playing my guitar puts my mind at ease, and lately, it’s been running on overload. I’m battling with strange feelings and confusion. All because of Everly. I loved how she took care of my split lip, making me dizzy with her sweet scent as she leaned over me, tickling me with her minty breath. Her gentle touch burned my skin, leaving my senses on high alert. How is that even possible? I buried my feelings with Anabel. But why does my heart fucking flutter every time I see Everly or hear her voice? It’s probably just my dick taking over. No wonder, I’ve been keeping it dry too long.

  When Anabel died, I made a promise to myself that she was the first, the only, and the last woman who would ever own my heart. Words can’t describe the love I felt and still feel for Anabel. She was the light to my darkness, a sweetness to my sour, my savior when I thought I was doomed for damnation. I gave her all of me, all I had to give. Then suddenly, one day, she was gone. I was once again alone. Just when I found my shot at happiness, when I finally opened my heart and learned to trust someone other than myself, she was taken away from me. Her death took such a heavy toll on me I realized going through something like that again would kill me. So I closed off my heart from any possibility of finding love again.

  For the first year and a half after Anabel’s death, I didn’t even look at another woman, let alone touch one. Then, one night after lots of drinks with my buddies at some bar, I picked up a random girl and fucked her in th
e back of my car. I didn’t feel any relief, quite the opposite. I felt like a piece of shit, like I cheated on my wife. But I was so fucking miserable and lonely. I missed the physical connection with a woman, being touched, but I was still so wound up in missing Anabel. So I ended up like before Anabel, having sex with every willing woman who crossed my path, trying to fuck the hurt away. It didn’t take long for me to realize the casual hookups brought me nothing but more pain, so I stopped sleeping around. I didn’t want my friends to know how miserable I was. So I pretended, and I still do. They think I’m a womanizer. Reality is, I haven’t touched a woman in over a year. And fuck me if Everly doesn’t make me want to end my celibacy. Or just break it for a day. One time. Laughing to myself with a head shake, I know that’s not an option. Not while she lives under my roof. I’ll just have to suck it up and banish the lust fogging my brain.

  Ava is my priority. Everything else can wait. I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not with her. I can grieve in peace and love her enough for both her parents.

  “C an I get you anything else, Mr. Ruiz?” After our afternoon walk, which is something he’s slowly come to enjoy, Carlos settled on the couch to watch TV. It’s actually a nice surprise because he usually just goes straight to his room, sulking. With a pillow on his lap, I watch him flip through channels, looking content.

  “Isn’t it about time you start calling me Carlos?” He puts the remote control on the couch beside him and pats the cushion, an invitation for me to join him. “You help me dress and bathe. If that’s not reason enough to call me by my first name, then I don’t know what is. And just so you know”– lifting his finger in emphasis– “I really appreciate your help, even though I don’t show or tell you.” Gratitude shines from his warm brown eyes. The skin around his eyes crinkles as he gives me a big smile.

  “It’s a pleasure to help, Carlos, it truly is.” People assume being a caregiver is just my job, but it’s much more than that. It’s my life now. I have nothing else left. I’m dedicated to helping others, especially now that I’ve gotten to know Dolores and Carlos, and have come to like them. Even though it’s been only a few weeks, they’ve made me feel like I belong here. Connor and Ava also played a huge role in that, I’m not going to lie.

  “Even Dolores looks more relaxed now. I heard her whistling our song yesterday. I don’t know the last time I’ve seen her so happy, definitely not since our little girl died. And I think some credit goes to you.”

  “Carlos–” I start, but he stops me by putting his palm over my hand.

  “After Anabel died, we were crushed. Devastated. We barely managed to find enough strength to pick each other up and continue with our lives. Anabel was my only child, my precious princess. Connor and Ava meant the world to her. God, she loved them so much.” He sighs, lost in thought. I’d bet he’s picturing his daughter in front of him. A single tear runs down his cheek, but he quickly wipes it with the back of his hand. “We loved her so much. I never imagined our child leaving this earth before us. She had her whole life ahead of her. And Connor …” He shakes his head in disbelief. “Connor was inconsolable. He was completely lost for a while. He couldn’t even look at Ava. Imagine that. Dolores took over her care even though it was difficult for her. Not only was she grieving, but every time she looked at her, she saw Anabel. Ava is a spitting image of her mother. It took Connor a full month before he showed any interest in Ava again. It seemed as if he was scared to look at her, scared to touch her. But when he realized what he was missing, he never spent a day without her again.”

  Lowering my head, I close my eyes to hide the pain, trying to suppress the memories that are threatening to escape from the deepest corners of my mind. I’d like to tell him I know how he feels, that I know what he’d been going through, but he doesn’t need to know that. And to be honest, I don’t want him to know, or anyone else, for that matter. I can vividly remember the pitying looks, the awkwardness. I don’t want that from him, from them. I don’t want to relive the awful past. So I stay silent and squeeze his hand in both my hands reassuringly.

  “He was grieving. Everyone grieves in their own way, I know that. Ava reminded him so much of her, but it wasn’t fair to his little girl. He shouldn’t have pushed her away like that.”

  I’m barely able to speak through the lump in my throat. “I had no idea …” It breaks my heart listening to him.

  “We had a nasty fight one day. I placed Ava in his arms, telling him his daughter needs him, and he should stop pretending she doesn’t exist. With one parent gone, she needs her father. Dolores and I could never replace them. He was furious with me, the vein in his throat was throbbing, his nostrils flared, but I didn’t give up. I didn’t allow him to scare me off. But then, it was like something in him changed. He collapsed to the floor, clutching Ava to his chest hugging her like his life depended on it and started crying, rocking back and forth. He kept whispering I’m sorry, I’m so sorry to her. Seeing that made me realize how bad he was hurting. How he couldn’t cope with the grief. He hid it so well until that point. Dolores and I went to him, put our arms around him, all of us crying. We sat on the floor for a minute, or an hour, I don’t know, the time stood still then. Then we picked ourselves up and never spoke of this again.”

  “Wow. I don’t know what to say,” I whisper, my voice stuck in my throat.

  “You don’t have to say anything. I don’t even know why I took the stroll down memory lane, I just wanted you to start calling me Carlos.” He gives me a small smile, his mind undoubtedly still drowning in memories. “With you around everything is easier, it seems. Dolores worries less, and smiles more. And if she’s happy, I’m happy.”

  That warms my heart. “Thank you, I’m really glad you think so.”

  “Well, enough sappy stories for one day. You asked if I needed anything, and the answer is no, I have everything I need here, thank you. Why don’t you take a break? It’ll do you good.” Reaching out, he pats my hand lovingly.

  “Okay. I’ll be in my room if you need me.”

  Striding toward my room, I’m relieved I can hide in my room after what Carlos shared with me. It brought some of my darkest memories to the surface, memories I buried long ago.

  A calming melody fills the room as I turn on the radio. There’s only one way to deal with my emotions and that’s yoga. Some people need silence while they practice it, but I’m not one of them. I need music to clear my thoughts. For me, it’s a form of meditation.

  Another thing that helps me relax is talking to Amber, and since I haven’t heard from her in a while, I call her after I’m done with my workout.

  “Hey, babe,” she answers the phone on the third ring, breathless. “What’s up?” There’s noise in the background.

  “Hey, you. Nothing much, just wanted to catch up, but I hear you’re busy.”

  It looks like Amber covers the phone because her voice is muffled, but I can still hear her. “Jax, honey, I’ll be right back. Stay where you are and look hot, this won’t take long.” The door shuts closed. “Okay, I’m all yours.”

  “Jax, huh? Wasn’t it Grant last week, or Gavin or something like that?” She can’t see my raised brow, but she can definitely feel the amusement in my voice.

  “Glenn, with two n’s. But he’s in the past, Jax’s the future, baby. You should see his tongue.” An excited sigh leaves her mouth. “It’s pierced! Sends you right to heaven, let me tell ya. And you? What’s new with you?”

  “Everything’s the same as the last time we spoke. But I miss you. I’m thinking of visiting you soon. Or are you all tied up with Jax?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. Besides you owe me some baked goods, lots of desserts!” I laugh at her comment. “How about this weekend? I’m free. We could go out dancing or just hang out at home, catching up on Friends.”

  “Sounds perfect. I’ll talk to Dolores, but I’m sure it won’t be a problem.”

  A high-pitched squeak hits my ears. “I can’t wait. We’ll have so muc
h fun,” she says, excited. “Hey, you okay? Your voice is weird.”

  “It’s nothing. Carlos and I talked earlier, he said something that reminded me of Bradley and Faith, that’s all.”

  “You’re sad.” She knows me so well.

  “Yeah. But I’m better now.”

  “Have you spoken with Doctor Caine? What does he say?”

  “I’ve called him a few times since I’ve been here. He says it’d be a good thing to find a therapist in the area, so he recommended a colleague of his, Dr. Avery Finn.” Doctor Caine’s been my therapist for years. When I used to live with Amber I was having monthly sessions with him. Now that I’ve moved, I’ve only spoken with him briefly over the phone a few times.

  “That’s a good idea. You should call her if you haven’t yet.”

  “I will,” I promise her.

  “I can’t wait to see you.”

  “Me, too. I’ll text you. Now go, you’ve left Jax alone long enough.”

  “You’re right. Love you, bye!”

  I walk down the stairs when I hear Dolores’s muffled voice coming from the living room. She’s home early today, I note to myself. As I reach the living room, I see her sitting on the couch next to Carlos, talking on the phone. Carlos’s hand rests over her shoulders, and she’s nestled into his side comfortably.

  “Right now?” she asks the person on the other side of the line, disappointed. “Okay, if it’s really necessary.” She releases a deep sigh. “No, not a problem. It’s just that I just came home, and I’m a little tired, that’s all.” Silence. “It’s fine, you don’t need to, I’ll bring it to you. See you in a few. Bye.” Dolores sighs and pulls out of Carlos’s embrace.

  “Connor needs me to bring him some papers. He says it’s important.”

  “You need to leave? Already?” Carlos’s voice is laced with disappointment. I’m guessing they were both looking forward to some alone time. Ava won’t be coming home until tomorrow; she’s spending the night with a friend of her who lives across the street.