Only A Memory Page 13

  It’s my afternoon off, and I have just finished my session with Dr. Finn, so I call Gavin to see if he wants to grab a coffee during his lunch hour. He agrees, and I wait for him in a café near his office building.

  “Hey, you,” Gavin leans down to kiss my cheek before he takes a seat opposite me.

  I smile. “That was quick.”

  “So, you weren’t waiting long?” he asks as he waves the bartender over.

  “No, just a couple of minutes. How’s work?”

  “Crazy. I’m swamped with work and countless meetings. But I’m glad you called. I needed a break, and spending it with you is the best kind of distraction.”

  “Good to know. I’ll make sure to drop by for coffee more often then.” I grin at him.

  “Definitely do that,” he says, winking cheekily at me. “You have any plans for the weekend?”

  I take a sip of my coffee and set the cup back on the table. “No, not really. As far as I know, Dolores isn’t working so I think I’ll have plenty of free time.”

  “Great, then I can invite you to—”

  My cell starts to ring from my purse. “Sorry.” I need to answer in case it’s about Carlos. “Hey, Connor,” I greet the caller.

  Gavin’s shoulders drop when he hears who’s on the other line.

  “Whatcha doing?” Connor asks playfully.

  “Having coffee with Gavin. Why?”

  “Oh,” there’s a hint of annoyance in his voice. “I can call back later.”

  “Is it urgent?”

  “No, not a big deal. I’ll talk to you later, I don’t want to interrupt,” he assures me, but his voice is laced with annoyance.

  “Ok, later then. Bye.” I put the phone back in my purse.

  “What did he want?” Gavin inquires. He doesn’t seem as relaxed and cheerful as before, and there’s a slight crease between his eyebrows.

  “I guess it wasn’t important. So, what did you want to ask me?”

  He rubs the back of his neck. “What is going on between you and Connor?” he blurts.

  I pinch my eyebrows together. “What do you mean? We’re friends, I work for his in-laws. That’s it. Why?”

  “Just asking.” Chewing on his lip, he appears as though he’s having an inner monologue before he clears his throat. “Would you be up for a game of pool or something this Saturday? Drake is at his Mom’s this weekend, so I was thinking we could hang out.”

  “Sure. I’m in, but you should know you’re doomed. ‘Pool Shark’ is my middle name.” I’m bullshitting him, of course. I suck at it. Years ago, I played it almost every weekend – well, attempted to play – with Bradley and some of our friends. We hung out at a local bar, downing beer and shooting pool. I always had a blast, but I’m clumsy, therefore I sucked. But Bradley didn’t mind. If I did succeed to send a ball into a pocket it was usually the black one.

  He grins. “We’ll see about that.”

  “Game on!”

  “H ow did the date go?” Everly and I are sitting on a bench watching Ava spin on a carousel. It’s Sunday, Everly’s day off, and I asked her to join us for a stroll around the amusement park. Gavin took her out again last night. That was date number six if I’m not mistaken. I can’t stop wondering if he took her to his place yet, if they kissed already, or did more than just mess around. Before she left for the date, I locked myself in my room so my jealousy wouldn’t make me say something I’d regret again. Playing my guitar the whole evening, I tried to distract myself from thinking about them. When he dropped her off at home around one in the morning, I was still up working on a new song. Inspiration struck, and I couldn’t put the pen down.

  Everly’s been spending a lot of time with Gavin these past weeks. Every time she goes out I’m overcome with two conflicting, baffling thoughts: for the sake of my sanity, I hope their dates are horrible, but I also want her to have fun because she deserves to be happy, even if it’s with Gavin. Messed up logic, I know.

  “It wasn’t a date,” she reminds me. She’s been saying that a lot. “And it was nice.”

  Nice. What does that mean? So nice that she’s going to keep going out with him, or nice as in okay, but he doesn’t have a chance in hell?

  I can’t stop myself from asking, “Are you going to see him again?”

  Everly licks her lips, my gaze is glued to them, mesmerized at the motion.

  “Yeah, why not? He’s great and he makes me laugh.” She shrugs.

  Curiosity is killing me; I’m dying to know what they’re doing on their dates, what they’re talking about. But I keep reminding myself I have no right to ask. It’s better this way. I don’t think I’d handle it well if I knew they were kissing and having sex.

  “So you do like him?” I prod, digging a bigger hole for myself.

  “He’s nice. I don’t know. I think he wants more than just friendship.”

  I guess I got my answer. Feeling relieved, nothing’s going on between them yet. “And you? You don’t want that?”

  “Honestly, I’m not sure yet. That’s why I’m not rushing things. For now, we’re only friends.”

  Friends. I can live with that. “Good. I mean, okay.” Jesus, can I be more pathetic? “Come on.” I shoot up, grab her hand, and lead her to the carousel. Enough feeling sorry for myself, it’s time to act. It’s making me crazy watching her with someone else, when all I think about is her. I’ll make sure she starts seeing me as someone other than just a friend before I lose my chance. She liked it when I took matters into my own hands the last time.

  “What are you doing?” Everly shrieks in laughter.

  “Are we allowed to board, Ava?” I wink at my little girl as we run over to her.

  “Evi is sitting with me,” she announces.

  Everly holds the railing firmly the whole time we spin around, pretending to be scared, making Ava squeal in amusement. I just sit opposite them, watching them interact so naturally as if they’ve known each other forever. I could get used to this.

  “Look, no hands!” Ava yells with her arms flailing, prompting Everly to start a tickle war with her. “More, more!” she starts chanting when the carousel comes to a stop.

  “I think we’ve had enough excitement for today,” I tell her. “If I remember correctly, I promised my girls some ice cream.

  “Yes!” Ava jumps excitedly. “Chocolate one,” she reminds me.

  Everly and I share a look, her smile is more radiant than the setting sun behind her back. Holding hands, Ava in the middle, we walk – or in Ava’s case, skip – to the ice cream shop.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I mumble to myself, stopping in my tracks, when I see Gavin approaching us. Everly follows my eyes and offers him a wide, genuine smile.

  “Hi, Gavin, Drake. How are you guys?”

  “Nice to see you,” Gavin says to Everly, embracing her, while I glare at him. “We were just headed for the ice cream. Wanna join us?”

  I want to say no, but Ava and Everly both say yes, so I just nod. Drake and Ava grab each other’s hands, excited to see each other again, walking in front of us. I make sure to stay close to Everly and so does Gavin. That pisses me off.

  “Me and a couple of guys, you know Ben, Casey, and Tom, are grabbing a beer later. It’s been ages since we all went out. I was hoping you could join us. They’ve been asking about you.” Gavin looks at me, while Everly helps Drake and Ava pick their ice cream.

  “I don’t know, man. Maybe. I’ll let you know.” I have no intention of going, especially now that I know Everly will be home. I’d rather stay with her. Taking my cell out of my pocket since it started ringing, I step aside. “Hi, Dolores.”

  “Connor,” her voice sounds shaky, “Carlos …” I straighten, not liking the tone of her voice.

  “What’s wrong?” I demand, suddenly gripped by fear.

  “They’re taking Carlos to hospital. Oh, Connor,” she cries.

  “Tell me where they’re taking him, I’ll be right there.” Everly frowns, looking
my way.

  As soon as I get all the information, I hang up and brief Everly on what happened. Of course Gavin hears everything.

  “Oh, my God. Why are we still here? Let’s go,” she gasps.

  “I can take the girls home if you want,” Gavin offers.

  “Thanks for the offer,” Everly says, “but I’ll go with Connor. I want to make sure Carlos is okay.”

  I don’t bother saying anything to Gavin, just swoop Ava into my arms. “Let’s go, sweetie.”

  “But Daddy!” she protests. “I wanna play with Drake!”

  “I know, Ava, but we must leave. You can play with him some other day, I promise.” Once she’s securely strapped in her seat, I hop in the car, wait for Everly, and rush straight to the hospital. Ava’s pouting in her seat, but she’ll get over it.

  “How is he?” Everly asks. “What exactly did Dolores say?”

  “I have no clue. She only said the ambulance took him to the hospital. We’ll know more when we get there.”

  “He’s going to be okay.” Her hand covers mine, our fingers intertwining. Her arctic blue eyes, now clouded with concern, find mine. “He’s a fighter.”

  “I hope so.” Carlos never judged me for the mistakes I made in the past. He took a chance on me, trusted me with his daughter, and came to love me as his own. I can’t lose him.

  Stopping the car at the emergency entrance, I grip the steering wheel. I’m terrified to enter the hospital, scared of what is awaiting me inside. I’m hoping for the best but prepared for the worst. Focusing my gaze forward, I take a few deep breaths to calm myself down.

  “Do you want me to park the car?” Everly’s voice is soft. I look back, where Ava’s fallen asleep in the back seat. The fresh air and running around the amusement park must have worn her out.

  “No.” I squeeze her hand reassuringly. “But I’d be very grateful if you could take Ava home instead. I don’t want to drag her around the hospital, I’d prefer if she was safely home.”

  “Of course. I’ll take care of her,” she promises. “How will you get home?”

  “I’ll just call the cab or something. I can’t think right now. But I need to be with Dolores, I don’t want her worried and alone.”

  “Call if you need anything.” I miss her soothing touch the second I exit the car.

  I rush through the emergency entrance toward the information desk. Just as I want to find a nurse and ask about Carlos someone taps my shoulder. Turning around, I find Dolores and I wrap my arms around her shoulders.

  “How is he?” I ask, when her grip on me finally loosens. Her mascara is smudged and her eyes red-rimmed and sad.

  “I don’t know,” she hiccups. “They haven’t told me anything yet. Thanks for coming.” She hugs me again, even tighter this time.

  “Always,” I assure her. “Come, let’s sit down. Do you want me to get you anything from the vending machine?”

  “No, thanks, I’m good.”

  “What happened, anyway?”

  “We were watching TV. I went into the kitchen to make something to eat when he called out, saying he’s having chest pains, and if I could bring him some water. When I returned to the living room, he was already lying on the floor. I immediately called 911. It was horrible, Connor, horrible. I don’t want to lose him.”

  Dolores leans on my shoulder, crying. The only comfort I can offer her at this moment is to stand by her, be her rock. Carlos has to be okay because Dolores has had enough tragedy in her life. When Anabel died she was barely able to pick up the pieces and move on with her life. I don’t know if she’d be able to survive losing her husband, too.

  After several hours of waiting, the doctor appears, visibly tired.

  “Mrs. Ruiz?”

  “Yes, that’s me.” Carefully, as if she’s afraid her legs would give out, she stands up. I help her by locking elbows with her. “How is he?” Her voice cracks.

  “Your husband suffered a heart attack. We had to perform so called percutaneous coronary intervention. It means we had to insert a deflated balloon through his groin artery into his coronal artery using special catheters. Then we broke up the blood clot with anticoagulant and sucked it out. This so-called balloon helped us expand narrowed part of the artery. We also inserted a coronary stent, and consequentially heart surgery wasn’t necessary.”

  “Can you start again in English this time, please?” I didn’t understand shit. We just need to know that Carlos is going to be alright.

  “Of course.” The doctor gives us a small smile. “Mr. Ruiz is currently in a stable condition.”

  “Thank God,” Dolores sighs with relief, and I feel like a boulder was removed from my chest.

  “But,” the doctor continues, “the process of rehabilitation will take a long time. He’ll have to take medication that prevents blood clotting. If it turns out his heart attack was uncomplicated, he’ll be able to leave the hospital in a few days.”

  “And if it wasn’t? What then?” I ask.

  “The recovery period is slower, and the rehabilitation is adjusted to his condition. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Tomorrow, we’ll be able to tell what procedures will have to be performed. Until then, trust us that he’s in good hands.”

  “Thank you, Doctor,” Dolores shakes his hand, visibly relieved. “Thank you for everything. Oh, one more question. Can we see him?”

  “Sure, but only for a minute. He needs to rest.”

  We sit back down, feeling slightly better when we leave his room. He looks fragile and pale, but he is alive.

  “He survived, that’s all that matters.” Dolores sighs, leaning her head on my shoulder. “Look, I’m still shaking like a leaf.”

  “Why don’t we go home? Do you want me to call a cab?”

  “No, you go, I’ll stay here with Carlos.”

  “There’s nothing you can do. You heard the doctor, he said tomorrow we’ll be able to know how to proceed. Let’s go home, and I’ll drive you back to the hospital first thing in the morning. Okay?” I know she’s worried, but she’s not helping matters by staying here and wasting her strength.

  “Fine. And thanks again for being here with me.”

  “Always,” I tell her. I drop my gaze to the screen of my phone. Everly sent me two texts, but I couldn’t respond before. I don’t want to call her now in case she’s already asleep.

  “What is it?” Dolores asks as I put the cell back in my pocket.

  “Nothing. Everly is worried about Carlos.”

  “Everly’s the sweetest girl. Have you done anything about your crush? Have you told her how you feel about her?” I grab her purse, and we descend down the stairs to the parking lot.

  “Let’s not get into that right now, Dolores.” I shake my head. Now’s not the right time, nor the right place.

  “Then when? You see how quickly things can change. Remember, she won’t be single forever. Women like her never are. Men quickly realize their worth and snatch them up.”

  Luckily, a cab is waiting near the entrance and the awkward conversation is postponed. I help her get in the car.

  When the cab drops us off at the house, the front door swings open. Everly runs to us, worry etched in her face.

  “How is he?” is the first thing that comes out of her mouth. I can see she’s worried sick, she is biting her lip, running her hand through her hair.

  “Stable for now. But we’ll know more tomorrow,” I let her know.

  Everly exhales as if a rock fell off her chest. “Thank God. Dolores, how are you holding up?”

  “I’ve been better. I’m tired, so I’m just going to bed. Good night, kids.” She smiles at me, nudging her head to Everly, as she walks inside.

  “Is Ava asleep?” I ask Everly as we sit down on the couch.

  “Yes. She was asking where everyone was, but I was able to distract her. Tell me what the doctor said.” The nurse in her doesn’t rest. I give her the rundown of the doctor’s words, and she nods after I’m finished.

&nbs
p; “He’s probably already in ICU where they’re regularly monitoring the activity of his heart. He’s going to have to drink lots of fluids, and if the surgery was successful the blood circulation in the artery will increase, and he will make a full recovery. Especially since he received medical assistance right away. Dolores acted quickly and didn’t panic, which is crucial in moments like this.” She leans forward, placing a comforting hand on my knee. Such small gesture, but it means so much to me.

  “Dolores was a mess at the hospital. I don’t know how she’d live if she lost Carlos. I usually never see her cry, but tonight she couldn’t stop … She alternated between crying and looking into the distance, shaking all the while. It was a horrible sight.”

  “When are you going back?” she asks.

  “We’re dropping off Ava at the preschool in the morning and heading straight to the hospital.” I lean back, burying my hands in my disheveled hair, still unable to wrap my mind around what’s happened.

  “Um,” Everly timidly inquires, “can I go with you?” Her face is illuminated by the lamp next to the couch; she looks beautiful, yet so sad.

  “Would you really?”

  “Of course. I care for him. Besides, it will be easier for me to care for him after he’s discharged if I know all the details of what happened to him.” I want to wrap my arms around her and never let her go.

  “Thank you. Not only for helping Carlos, but also for being there for Ava.” I don’t even realize when my hand shoots up to cup her cheek. “You’re so selfless.” My thumb runs over the smooth skin of her warm cheek. Her skin is silky and smooth, the complete opposite to mine. Her breath hitches, our eyes lock. She blinks a few times, then springs to her feet as if my touch burned her.

  “Um … It’s getting late, I better head off to bed,” she offers lamely. My arm drops to my lap. “You should get some rest, too, you’ve had a long day.”

  “You’re probably right.”

  “Good night,” she says, and runs up the stairs as if someone was chasing her.

  “Good night,” I mumble, fighting the impulse to run after her. Dolores is right. I should tell her how I feel. She’s gotten under my skin. All this time I’ve been solely focused on Ava, her needs and wishes, and I completely forgot about mine. It’s about time I fix that. I need to start thinking about myself, my future, my life with Ava, and start looking for something better. I’ve spent too long keeping my eyes shut and pretending we’re okay. We’re not okay. I’m not okay. Everly showed me I deserve better.